Stepdad pushes 17-year-old stepson to accept him as his dad because he has been his father figure for 9 years and his late father was for merely 7 years: 'He said he deserves to be recognized instead of the ghost.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 6, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

When you're a kid, you're at the mercy of the adults around you. While some kids have two healthy, rational parents at the helm of their families, others have to operate under a series of absurd rules that do nothing to prepare them for the future. A parent could hypothetically feed their kids nothing but Fruit Roll Ups and vitamins, demand that they walk 10 miles to school when they have two cars in the garage, and make them call them "My Liege" without anyone stopping them. There's a fine line between bad parenting and parenting that will make you lose custody, and while a lot of parents cross that line, there's often very little that can be done about it if the child is not in immediate physical danger. Often, the only person who can control a rogue parent is the other parent in the family, and some parents are wholly unwilling to do that. 

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  • 01

    AITA for telling my stepfather I hope some guy says the same to his kid one day?

    Me (17m), my mom and my stepfather have been going to family therapy (with like 9 different therapists) for the past 5 years. We're going because my stepfather and I fight a lot. He insists he's my dad because he's been raising me with mom since I
    via u/PoppleSwammy

  • The mom and stepdad in this story are no angels. The stepdad harasses his stepson into seeing him as “dad,” despite his stepson repeatedly telling him that he cannot replace his late father. The mom is no better, allowing her husband to say horrible things to her son without a peep of protest.

  • 02
    was 8 and I insist he will never be my father and my dad d ng didn't open up the spot to someone else and even if I was open to a new dad it would never be my stepfather because he feels entitled to it.
    via u/PoppleSwammy
  • 03
    My mom's pregnant with their first kid right now so we have a lot of stuff going on and it took years of help for them to have a baby together. So my mom has pushed for us to make the most of therapy before it's too late because she wants us to be a family.
    via u/PoppleSwammy
  • 04
    In a therapy session last week my stepfather told me he's sick of me saying he's not my dad, of correcting him when he calls me his son, correcting mom when she asks me to get my dad when she means him and doing the most to make sure everyone in my life knows I don't like him and don't think he's worthy of being my dad. He said he's been here
    via u/PoppleSwammy
  • 05
    since I was 8 years old. That my parents were divorced when dad dd and even if dad were alive I'd have gained a second dad, but as it happened he stepped in after a respectable year of grieving and that's long enough to accept someone else wants to fill the role.
    via u/PoppleSwammy
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10539026432
    via Jonathan Wilson

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07
    Then he told me that he has been there, he has paid for stuff, he has tried to reach me, wanted to adopt me, became my legal guardian so he's responsible for me if something happens to mom, has taken on everything and for that and every other reason we have talked about previously he deserves to be my dad. Not some ghost. He told me
    via u/PoppleSwammy
  • 08
    that's what my dad is now. A ghost. A memory. And I am holding onto the past and rejecting the present and it him off because my dad got 7 years while he's 9 in and still pushed away. Then he said he would love to burn my dad's memory to the ground because he deserves to be recognized instead of the ghost.
    via u/PoppleSwammy
  • 09
    The therapist spoke for like 10 minutes and basically corrected him for talking like that. She told him that it was not going to help our relationship and he had fed me reasons to dislike him and it was unhealthy to be that bitter about it. She said many
    via u/PoppleSwammy
  • 10
    stepparents don't ever get elevated past step and some could be 40 or 50 years in the life of their stepchild.
    via u/PoppleSwammy
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10539028736
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 12
    When she asked me if I had anything to say in response to my stepfather I told hi, that I hope some guy says the same thing to his kid one day.
    via u/PoppleSwammy
  • 13
    That really ped him off and the therapist asked me to step outside. You could hear him yelling. My mom was upset and she told me after that it was such a cruel thing to say. She said it was as good as wishing him de d without saying those words. He
    via u/PoppleSwammy
  • 14
    stated the same last session and I had to leave the room again because he got explosively angry. After that session he demanded an apology for what I said and he told me I better say I didn't mean it how it sounded. But I refused to apologize or clarify what I meant.
    via u/PoppleSwammy
  • 15
    My mom asked me why I'd drag the baby into this. I told her he believes fathers are replaceable so he can get replaced someday and I won't cry about it. AITA?
    via u/PoppleSwammy
  • 16
    Cheezburger Image 10539028992
    via Suhyeon Choi

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 17
    Key-Phone-3648 Ultimately I'm going to go with NTA. He kept pushing and said the heinous thing first. All you did was put a mirror up to his actions. Also, it's nice to hear of a therapist setting those boundaries.
    via u/Key-Phone-3648
  • 18
    RoutineActivity9536 Certainly explains why 9 therapists in 5 years. Step dad isn't getting the answers he wants. Odds on therapist no 10 in the next few months?
    via u/RoutineActivity9536
  • 19
    Conversation No805 Yeah, it's giving "keep going till someone agrees with me." Honestly wouldn't be surprised if therapist #10 is already penciled in. NTA
    via u/ConversationNo805
  • 20
    Groovy YaYa You need to address your mom's "that was a cruel thing to say" in front of the therapist. The response to her is that you essentially repeated or mirrored back to him the sentiment that he's been saying to you all along. That instead of just "wishing" - he's actually DOING. Ask her how wishing that your memory of your father would "burn away" isn't cruel?
    via u/GroovyYaYa
  • 21
    How does hating your dad so passionately mean he deserves anything? How does that make him loveable? Ask if the role were reverse - if she had been the one to pass away, would she feel the same if his second wife was saying and demanding that you forget her and dismiss her as some ghost who can easily be replaced?
    via u/GroovyYaYa
  • 22
    He doesn't want to be bonus dad, he wants to be dad (in a twisted definition of it) and I think forget that your mom was ever with someone else, that she never had a child with someone else. Even if you were to suddenly verbally agree with him and pretend - the fact is, she procreated with someone else and that will never go away.
    via u/GroovyYaYa
  • 23
    PoppleSwammy OP I can bring it up but I don't think it will do anything. I doubt I will get my mom to answer any questions and I don't think the therapist would either unless it's easy questions.
    via u/PoppleSwammy
  • 24
    Groovy YaYa I don't think at this point the goal should be for your mom to answer any questions, but for her to at least back off and not put the burden and responsibility for the sh relationship you have with your step father on you and for her defense of him to destroy your relationship with her.
    via u/GroovyYaYa
  • 25
    It would be totally fair for you to say "I don't expect a response from you - I just want you to think about that and put yourself not only in my shoes, but Dad's as well. If you and stepdad hate the idea of you each being replaced and wouldn't want the baby to be forced to forget or even never express love for you after you are de d and buried for a certain number of years, then you should hate it for me as well.
    via u/GroovyYaYa
  • 26
    You continuing to try to force me to erase Dad and force me to replace him with Stepdad not only makes me dislike Stepdad even more, it makes me not want to be around you either. If you wonder in 5 years why you don't see me much and only get phone calls at Christmas, Mother's Day, and your birthday - I want you to remember this conversation. Stop making your relationship with me conditional on my relationship with Stepdad and my thinking of him as my dad.
    via u/GroovyYaYa
  • 27
    If you think you have the power to change love and feelings in another person - start with your husband, not me."
    via u/GroovyYaYa

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therapist family drama family therapy mother fatherhood therapy stepfather bad parenting bad parents parenting dad family stepdad mom stepson Father
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